Writing From Factor X

August 17, 2011

Wednesday Linkspam (Belated Edition)

Filed under: Signal Boost — Sciatrix @ 8:00 am

So yeah, I am going to keep doing these. This one is more or less things I bookmarked while taking a step back from blogging, so it’s very disorganized; I should be blogging more frequently in the next few weeks as I’ve begun to get my life back under control. Next weeks’ ought to be more comprehensive.

Feel free to self-promote in the comments!

From Scarleteen: Sp[ace] Exploration: What Sexual People Can Learn From Asexual Communities

Asexuality saved my sex life.

No, seriously — I mean that.

From Skeptic’s Play: On asexual relationships

But it still frustrates me when asexuals imply that we should all want unconventional relationships.  It’s a pretty easy mistake to make.  First you’re complaining about people who think there’s no middle ground between romance and friendship.  Next you’re complaining about people who refuse to be in the middle ground.  I feel this is akin to a bisexual complaining that not everyone is bisexual.  Or more aptly, a polyamorous person complaining that some people are monogamous, or a monogamous person complaining that some people are polyamorous.  It sucks, I know, and you want to complain.  But I don’t feel comfortable with complaining about other people’s sexualities when that’s just a part of who they are.

From Anger is Justified: Shame cannot fight shame

Shaming people for their lack of desire is not sex positivity. It’s not progressive. It’s not helping remove the cloak of shame around sexuality. It’s just encouraging more people not to open up about the subject, thus reinforcing the shame. Oppressing people about their sexual choices is not on, and it’s no good if the people meant to be fighting that shaming perpetrate it upon different groups. Face it, while there’s a lot of sex-negativity at large in our culture, there’s also a hell of a lot of no-sex negativity.

From asexual curiosities: 100% positive

This post is about holding asexuals to a particular standard of non-judgementalism in sexual matters. I’ve seen it said that the existance of judgemental asexuals reflects badly on asexuals as a whole. Which is not just wrong on the basis that it judges everyone in the minority by the standards of one member’s faults. It is also wrong because it is blatently hypocritical.

From sir-kit: The difference between “characters not currently engaged in sexual relationships” and “asexual characters” and why it is important

The absence of a sexual relationship doesn’t erase the character’s sexuality any more than it erases a real person’s sexuality. It’s a part of how people interact with the world.

From findingsherlock: How to Love Your Asexual Without Really Trying

Moral of the story: love isn’t that complicated, it just is what it is. But talking about love is complex and often overladen with socio-linguistic meaning and cultural baggage and suffocated in “supposed tos” and “must dos.” Relax, take a deep breath and hold on.

The key to being a sexual while loving your asexual is to love them. That’s it. Honestly.

From the Veerblog: A Love Letter From the Sidelines

Because of the online ace community, I no longer feel alone. I plan to head the school’s GSA, so that I can try to make sure no one ever feels so alone again, and so that I can give them the same level of support I’ve received. The ace community has equipped me with the words and ideas I need to give a speech on the subject, which I plan to give to all 180 students in my year, and more if I can. I’ve found something that I am fascinated by and truly passionate about.

From Shades of Gray: Confirmation Bias and Anti-Asexual Sentiment

The same phenomenon is happening here, only with asexuals. In any group, there will be people who step out of line, and say offensive things. But to say that all of us are like that, especially when in order to even see the comment in question you have to go through other asexuals who are calling that person out, is pretty ridiculous. And it’s especially so because this exact same phenomenon happens to gay people, too.

From Black Dog Musings: On how not dating doesn’t make it easier

My relationships, on the other hand, are more “So, here are your eggs. And you remember hearing about that box everyone else gets? You don’t get one. But you do get this one. We’re not sure what it’s made of. Could be bloody Graphene, could be straw. We don’t know.

From A Fine Line: Monopoly, dining out, and DIY relationships

When people ask me if I’m dating anyone, going out with anyone, or — more commonly — if I have a boyfriend, it feels rather like they’ve asked me if I have wings or a tail. I’m sure this question would be relevant to some (X-Men!), but I’ve clearly wandered into the wrong party.


  1. Nitpick: You’ve linked to Shades of Gray: Confirmation Bias and Anti-Asexual Sentiment twice.

    Comment by veerserif — August 17, 2011 @ 9:30 am | Reply

  2. Yay, linkspam! I missed these.

    Comment by Emerald Girl — August 17, 2011 @ 1:52 pm | Reply

  3. Yay linkspam! I signed up for google alerts a month ago, and it’s never quite as good as what you find.

    Comment by Siggy — August 17, 2011 @ 8:33 pm | Reply

  4. There was some pretty epic ace fail in the comments of the “Dealbreaker, indeed” post on Feministe. I attempted to engage, was not particularly successful, but it did inspire 4 posts:

    Journey to the Center of the Ace (substantive content), A Failure to Communicate (substantive content/ranting), Various Ace Things (ranting), Asexuality 101/201: Aces and Sex (substantive content).

    Comment by Aydan — August 17, 2011 @ 10:20 pm | Reply

    • Oh! And, on the Feministe thread, someone linked to this really interesting article on platonic relationships/Boston marriages that I think a lot of ace people might be able to relate to: So… Are You Two Together?

      Comment by Aydan — August 18, 2011 @ 2:56 pm | Reply

      • That is an amazing article. Thanks for linking it.

        Comment by veerserif — August 19, 2011 @ 6:20 am | Reply

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