Writing From Factor X

June 8, 2011

Wednesday Linkspam

Filed under: Signal Boost — Sciatrix @ 11:12 am
Tags: ,

As usual, feel free to self-promote or add links I missed in the comments here!

Having to Do With The Recent Drama

From Charlie the Unicorn, Ace Detective: Privilege Denying Asexuals…

Potential trigger warning for sexist slurs, discussion of coercive sexual situations, asexual denial and erasure, and abundant profanity. 

Asexuals are a sexual minority. Asexuals deal with shit for being a sexual minority. Is that hard to grasp?

From Miss Mary Max: Not That PDA: Unpacking the Notion of Asexual Privilege

For ace privilege to exist, there would have to be a systemic benefit to asexuality – a system of benefits denied to sexual people.  But ace people are not propped up socially at the expense of sexuals.  The vast majority of people don’t even know asexuals exist.

From outflewenza: We interrupt your regularly scheduled trolling for a deep and heartfelt post

And second, I’d postulate that demisexuality as it is actually defined is not what society would consider an appropriate sexuality for a woman to begin with.  Rather, the ideal female sexuality according to the definition the kyriarchy would have us accept is a type of monogamy or serial monogamy in which a woman, under the umbrella of a committed monogamous relationship, feels attracted to her partner and wants to have sex with him. This might fit some demisexual women, but not all!

From Tafadhali: Goddamnit, I hate privilegedenyingasexuals

That doesn’t really happen for demis. I can only really speak for myself here, but finding someone I actually want to be in a relationship with? Is incredibly difficult.

From Kaz: another thought on that “dividing us up according to our romantic orientations” business

As a result, sexual people, when you’re doing the “let’s delete the -romantic a-” thing? You’re not presenting a new and novel idea to the Xromantic aces who have totally never considered identifying as anything other than ace. Chances are most of them have already tried fitting into the “Xsexual” box, and most of the ones who were fine with just that as their identity stayed there. When you’re talking to the Xromantic aces you’re in large part talking to the group who tried it and couldn’t stand it and you’re asking them to go back anyway, just so they can better fit into YOUR worldview.

From ayries: Where the fuck is all this ‘heteroromantic asexuals can’t call themselves queer’ BS coming from?


Yes they can. And fuck anyone who feels like identity policing that.

From Captain Heartless: Hidden Sexual Normativity

Often times these people have rejected the idea that sex is morally bad- which is progress. But they have failed to reject the idea that sex is a moral issue. Instead, they still cling to the idea that one’s preferences regarding sex directly represent one’s moral character (they don’t), and that is reflected in how they react to asexuality.

From Skeptic’s Play: Privilege is not ordered

Another big misconception is the idea that groups are ordered from most privileged to least privileged.  In truth, two groups can each be privileged over the other in different ways.

Trigger warning for corrective rape and asexual denial and erasure.

From gallifreyanteenagerebel: Sexual privilege and my life

Please do not try and erase the horrible things that have happened to me because of my prior orientation or my asexuality. It makes me very upset in a way I can’t even describe.

Trigger warning for traumatic sexual encounters.

From babykillinglesbians: Trigger Warning: Internalized Sexualism

So, since this whole asexual-bashing thing is going around at the moment, can I just state how desperately badly I wish I was sexual.

Having to Do With Other Interesting Things

From Intimacy Cartography: Towards a Better Model of Attraction

So, our model divided attraction into four components: romantic, sexual, emotional, and kinky. Following this post on Hacking the Heart, I’m going to add a fifth: sensual attraction.

From grasexuality: On the Definition of Sexual Attraction

I’m writing a much longer post about attraction and the asexual identity, which should cover a lot more issues, but I thought I’d get this definition of Sexual Attraction that I’m working on circulating to get some opinions.

From outlawroad: My Core Relationships: Or, Wanting Stuff Without Clear Labels

I think it’s important for me to say that I experience romantic feelings on a spectrum, rather than in an “either/or” fashion. I don’t feel romantic feelings for ONLY one person at a time or in ONLY one way and I don’t associate romantic feelings exclusively with traditional couple relationships. I think there’s more than one kind of romantic love (you’ll see what I mean, below), and I think you can have different kinds of romantic relationships and more than one at the same time.

From asexual curiosities: Power to the poly

In short, non-monogamy has its drawbacks. By offering it as one of the first and most major ways asexuals can make it work, we’re enforcing the idea that asexuals are responsible for taming this uncontrolled beast of sexual attraction, a beast that I’ll soon argue is fictitious. Non-monogamy is simply not a practical option for a lot of asexuals, and we need to address that.

From asexualnews: Asexual Suicide Project–Full Details from Narrow Path Publishing Owner

Purpose: To expose the frequency of suicidal thoughts, feelings and actions within the asexual community, as a precursor to engaging the asexual community and possibly other communities in suicide prevention efforts for the community.

From the Asexual Sexologist: June 2011 Survey, Topic: You and the LGBT(+++) Community

If you’d like to share your experiences and perspectives I’d love to hear them!

From Asexual Explorations: Radical refusals: On the anarchist politics of women choosing asexuality

Up to this point, when I have announced articles, I’ve decided to that I should keep my opinions to myself regarding what I thought of the article. This one has convinced me not to do that anymore, largely because I feel that it needs to go in my bibliography, but also needs a comment/warning.


  1. I notice that among all the asexual blogs, there is a curious lack of linkage to the original sources of drama. I understand the motivations of not wanting to link to things which are hurtful, but can you imagine how frustrating this might be to someone who missed it? Are we trying to make the discussion less accessible? Also, I think it would be good to preserve some sort of history of these things. Many queers I know are very surprised to hear that asexuals actually feel unwelcome and uncomfortable in the queer community, and I would be happy if I had specific examples to demonstrate why.

    Comment by Siggy — June 8, 2011 @ 12:26 pm | Reply

    • That’s a good point–to be honest, mostly I just haven’t wanted to go looking for the original posts, because I’m more or less sick of the entire discussion (and have been since it started, as it mostly seems to be a rehash of the last time people from ontd_feminism decided to comment on asexuality) and find a lot of the comments involved on the anti side actively triggering. In general, I don’t link to anti-asexuality stuff even though it can be illuminating for nonasexuals to see because the original point of my doing linkspams is to foster discussion in the asexual community and encourage more people to blog. And, well, again–I find a lot of this personally triggering, I know from experience that if I immerse myself in the anti side of this I will end up spending the entire day shaking, and I just haven’t wanted to deal with it. So that’s why I haven’t been linking to the anti side. Because I have personally been trying to avoid it.

      But I do know where the original sources of drama (aside from the Sexual Privilege Checklist linked last week, which is the thing that really kicked everything off) are, so let me go and get them for you. Aside from Privilege Denying Asexuals, the nastier stuff on tumblr is generally much more difficult to dig out because most of it was done by posting “asks” to tumblr users, meaning that it’s in the backlogs of certain people’s tumblr blogs, and tumblr is more or less impossible to organize anyway. (You’d have the most luck into looking at the blog archives of polisci-prelaw, mylittlehazmat, lizziegoneastray, and quirkysaur, who as I understand it got the brunt of the rage?) Tumblr is also difficult to archive because several people who were being targeted simply shut their blogs down altogether, including one person who actively received death threats over the whole mess, and at least one person (polisci-prelaw, who used to be genuineexpression) changed their URL in the midst of the harassment.

      The ontd_feminism post that more or less started the pushback (read the comments)

      sf_drama post on the issue (again, read the comments–honestly, I haven’t at this point, except for a bit Kaz linked me to where someone shared her story of experiencing corrective rape as an asexual only to be met by responses that this was in fact simple misogyny, not an actual experience of loss of privilege for being asexual)

      Another round-up of the whole thing on unfunnybusiness

      Privilege Denying Asexuals

      Comment by Sciatrix — June 8, 2011 @ 1:09 pm | Reply

      • Clarification: I was not saying that you, specifically, should round up the negative links (but thanks for doing so!), but that someone should. It doesn’t really bother me when any particular blog fails to link the sources, but when blog after blog does the same thing, it’s frustrating. The same thing happened with the last ontd_feminism drama too.

        Comment by Siggy — June 8, 2011 @ 1:48 pm | Reply

        • Clarification: I was not saying that you, specifically, should round up the negative links (but thanks for doing so!), but that someone should

          So, are you volunteering?

          Speaking as someone who’s done some linkspam work (I helped out on the access_fandom linkspam for a while and was one of the mods for the linkspam DW community during the last part where it was active), it is nasty, exhausting work. Especially especially especially if you start linking things that hurt, that attack you where you live. I burned out on linkspams that did not have remotely the level of nasty the posts Sciatrix is linking up above have. So, you know, if you want to do it brilliant! But don’t underestimate how much it takes out of you, and I’m loath to shunt the amount of work and pain that comes with collecting hostile and anti-ace links onto a vague “someone”. (A “someone” who, even if you don’t mean it that way, a lot of people will probably assume should be Sciatrix just because she’s doing this linkspam.)

          Speaking as someone who really, really appreciates Sciatrix’s linkspam posts – I’m really glad she doesn’t link the nasty stuff! Because this way, I can avoid it! I can read the amazing responses our community is coming up with and not find myself drawn into reading awful depressing shit (and usually you can still find the original horror via checking the responses which do often mention the general neighbourhood even if they don’t link, but it’s not right in front of you).

          Comment by Kaz — June 8, 2011 @ 7:09 pm | Reply

          • Um, okay. See, when I referred to “someone”, I meant someone who doesn’t feel burnt out or triggered by doing so. So… not you, and not Sciatrix. And yes, I would volunteer if I were more in tune with this particular discussion and if I had a blog devoted to asexuality. Maybe there’s no one. Okay, fine, whatever.

            To be honest, when I wrote my original comment I wasn’t even thinking of a link roundup. I was just thinking of how most of the bloggers in the linkspam do not link their sources of inspiration. Clearly they’ve read something which upset them, but they don’t want to say exactly what it was. The exception is the “Privilege Denying Asexuals” tumblr, which got plenty of linkage and quotation. Why is that? I’m not saying there is no reason to do such a thing, but that it’s worth examining the advantages and disadvantages of doing so. I have already stated some of the advantages of linking one’s inspiration, and you’ve stated some of the disadvantages. So there we go. I hope other bloggers see this and take it into consideration.

            Comment by Siggy — June 8, 2011 @ 8:43 pm | Reply

      • This was my response to the drama, short but sweet. I try to stay out of drama.

        Comment by maddox — June 8, 2011 @ 9:29 pm | Reply

      • Hmm. Actually, I didn’t feel I had nearly as much trouble with that whole conflict as others did. I had a brief flare-up of activity in my ask box, and a couple arguments through reblogs, but it faded away much more quickly than it did for others. It took over my dash for a *long* time, but my blog probably doesn’t have a whole lot of that stuff on it. It’s probably not worth the digging it’d take to get to that stuff, since I’ve been actively trying to leave the nastiness behind by talking about other things.

        Comment by lizziegoneastray — June 9, 2011 @ 3:02 am | Reply

        • Thanks for the clarification. I admit, I got a tumblr roughly three days before the fuss started and spent a lot of time trying to work it, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t have as good a view of the tumblr aspect of things as people who were more established with the site did.

          Comment by Sciatrix — June 9, 2011 @ 8:58 am | Reply

  2. […] Sciatrix’s linkspam 6/8/11 (asexual privilege, are aces queer, and sexual privilege) […]

    Pingback by 2011 in Ace Tumblr History | epochryphal — January 19, 2015 @ 9:45 pm | Reply

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