So writing this blog has gotten just a little bit depressing lately, what with the focusing on how much being asexual can really suck. I think it’s important to focus on that, given the constant refrain of “Asexuals aren’t really oppressed, but…” but it’s nice to have a bit of contrast, too.
With that in mind, I wanted to write a list of why actually, being asexual is awesome. No, seriously!
I get to be free of the “bogeyman of sexual attractiveness.” (All credit to that phrasing goes to the awesome Charles.) What I mean by that is that I don’t experience any pressure to dress up or otherwise act in any particular way in order to attract someone else. Everything in the way I dress and the way I present is done purely for me, with no considerations for how anyone else might think of it, and I love that. I might have to alter my dress a bit for the workforce when I finally leave college, but at least I feel no pressure to dress or act for anyone other than me in my personal life.
The community is really neat. I mean, where else are you going to find people who will painstakingly dissect assumptions about what love is and how to categorize different types of love? I find this stuff really interesting, and it’s been a lot of fun getting to discuss it seriously with people over the past several weeks. Also, I have met a ton of awesome people through asexuality spaces on top of that.
Best informal slang term ever. I have heard some people get uncomfortable about “ace” because of its extremely positive connotations in other contexts, but that’s actually precisely why I love it. Decks of cards used as ace in-jokes! Getting to snigger gleefully when characters are referred to as “ace detectives” or “ace pilots!” Extremely bad puns! It’s wonderful.
I am not constricted by heteronormativity. That means that no one is going to try to squish me into a heteronormative expectation of what a woman “should” be, because my essential not-straightness puts me outside of the bounds of heteronormativity to begin with. There are a ton of negatives to that, but there are positives, too. Heteronormative expectations of gender roles can be very stifling and I for one don’t fit them at all. In the same way that being a queer woman of any kind allows one to escape from the expectations on what “normal” women are like, my being an asexual woman gives me an excuse to jettison the normative gender roles that heteronormativity prescribes.
I don’t have to plan my life around other people. This is the positive side of assuming I am going to live and die alone: I have everything I need to plan my life and make decisions. I don’t need to rely on anyone but myself to meet my own life goals. And more–assuming I can rely only on myself in the long term means that I can’t be disappointed if no one else ends up in my life. Assuming I’ll be functionally alone means that anyone who does stay in my life can be viewed as a bonus. The assumption that I see many nonasexual people hold–that someone had better come along to be in a romantic relationship with them, or their life is meaningless–tends to result in disappointment for no reason that they can control. After all, no one can be dating someone else constantly!
So what about you? What things do you really like about being ace?